When Death Arrives ~ Khalwa by Shahbano Aliani

when death arrives
i don’t want to say:

wait, not yet
don’t take me away

there are still
beautiful paintings
waiting for the brush
in my hands
my heart is still full
of unheard music
and poetry

i have debts of remorse
and gratitude
to pay
there are people
whom i love
who don’t know
i feel this way

there is pain
i have been
afraid to heal
many dark rooms
inside myself
that i need
to open and clean

i never realized
what an incredible miracle
my life always was
what treasures
what opportunities
were handed to me

i had one chance
and such generous Help
but i was caught up
in greed, resentment
and anxiety

i have just awakened
to why i am here
i have still to
reach fruition
and unfold
my mystery

please, give me time
extend the number
of my days
i am not done yet,
not ready
please, don’t
don’t, take me away!

when death arrives

this is what i want to say:

i know what a blessing

existence has been!

i was given life

from nothing at all

then raised

with love, fed

by an astounding

Generosity

i was given

breathtaking secrets

inside my self

and the thrill to dance

with ecstasy

i’ve slept in peace

and dreamt of God

in every moment

i’ve seen His Hand

holding me

i received what i was given

with my head bowed down

i committed to every moment

with sincerity

i savoured the delights

honoured the gifts

and spent of my self

with open hearted generosity

i was unsure

and afraid

but still acted

with courage

it was the courage

which eventually

set me free

take me away

yes, take me away

i’ve done what i came

here to do

there are no unsung songs

left in me.

Poem by Shahbano Aliani penned on 13th October 2013

~ Khawla is a solitary, silent meditation retreat of the Sufis that can extend for up to 40 days

© Intent Publishing; Na'layn Publications | Reposted from poet's Facebook post.


Shahbano Aliani is a Shaykha (spiritual master) in the Shahdili-Darqawi Sufi order, on the basis of permission from her own Sufi master, Shaykh Ebrahim Etsko Schuitema.

Shahbano was born and raised in Pakistan and spent many years studying and working in the United States. Increasingly disillusioned with the mediocrity and futility of her outer endeavours and plagued by a growing disquiet, she searched for deeper purpose and meaning. Her quest brought her to the Sufi path through the Zawia (spiritual retreat) and teachings of Shaykh Ebrahim Etsko Schuitema in 2009. Soon thereafter Shahbano started writing poetry, a collection of which has been published by Intent Publishing South Africa and Na’layn Publications, Pakistan entitled, “Set My Heart On Fire”. (credit)